Half Blood Prince Reactions
by Maegmel
Summary: This is a series of reflections by characters from HBP one per chapter, and despite the fact they may be dead I don’t care they’re talking anyways! Complete!
1. Misjudged

**Disclaimer**: I had a nice dream last night that me and my friends were sorted into Hogwarts and met up with our favorite characters, but woke up to realize not only was it not true, but I don't own the Harry Potter series either… (Sorry to disappoint)

Thus, in case you did not get the picture, I _don't _own the series (JKR does) nor do I have any affiliation with her or Warner Bros. etc…

**Dedication**: To my friend Kaleigh who got me started, thanks for everything-(except _my_ couple is _going_ to get together not yours!).

**A/N: **This is a series of reflections by characters from HBP (one per chapter), and despite the fact they may be dead-I don't care they're talking anyways!

Chapter 1

Misjudged

Now as I look back on the events of the last year I can truthfully say that I loathe myself.

Of course, I loathed myself the very instant I swore that oath.

Why did I swear it? To defend to Order? To save the world from imminent darkness or to rid it of the 'impure'? Or was it simply because I could not stand to see the boy whom I looked at as my own son suffer more hurt and rejection?

For yes, contrary to popular belief around Hogwarts I am human despite what Potter's Weasel might have said I _do_ have feelings for others besides myself.

Feelings for a silver-haired boy just about his age as a matter-of-fact. I think they were driven by sympathy, I can see myself in him. Perhaps my family was never entirely rich, but we were still just as proud as his and I was abused by my father just the way he was. I had just as much of a name to live up (or down depending on your opinion) to. This thirst to prove myself coupled with a hatred for all things muggle led to my taking his mark. It was so satisfying to do something for the betterment of our world for once in my life.

I also wanted to get revenge on a certain red-haired, green-eyed, muggle-born Head Girl who chose an idiotic prankster over me. If all muggle-borns acted like that I failed to see why we allowed them into our world at all, since they all seemed like such numbskulls.

You think I'm jealous? Holding a grudge too long? Letting past mistakes determine my choices? Well guess what? You're _right_. _I_ was supposed to be her friend; we were Slughorn's 'dynamic duo' in potions, the best students for the year. _I_ was supposed to be Head Boy, my grades were always better than his until sixth year when he finally buckled down. _I_ was supposed to be her husband, I was the one who loved her…and Harry should have been _my_ son.

Instead I became the miserable potions master of Hogwarts with an overly large nose (due to one of _his_ pranks gone awry that wasn't curable) and oily hair who had no hopes of ever leaving bachelorhood behind after she rejected me.

This boy with grey eyes and silver hair is so much like me that I could not-would not allow such an evil fate to befall him if I had any say in the matter.

So I swore the oath, knowing full well what I had to do if he failed as I knew he would. He is different from me for three reasons and three alone. First, he has money and second he is much more handsome than I ever was; but most importantly he _cannot_ kill an innocent being.

And I can.

I suppose that speaks volumes for our characters.

What I'm sure you're wondering right now is, 'Whose side are you on?' I'll make it simple for you, I've always been for the light-and still am-ever since the Potters were threatened.

Deep down I may have been hurt badly-terribly by Lily Evan's choice, but I did not wish her or her son dead. I could not, because small part though it might be, I still loved her. It was me who warned Dumbledore about the coming attack, but unfortunately not soon enough to do much.

Taking recent events into account I have no doubt that under the names of Voldemort and Lestrange I am at the top of the Ministry's 'Hit-List' though, and I am sure the Order will not trust me either.

I am not denying that I wish I could have made different decisions, and perhaps given the choice I would. No, I lie, I _would._

So what will I do now?

The only thing I can do, hide my student from the Deatheaters who are after his skin and teach him right for once. I will also train for the final battle, where we both shall be; to prove for once that not _all_ Slytherins are bad.

Now please excuse me, as I have critical things to do…


	2. Rejected Girlfriend

**Chapter 2**

_A Rejected Girlfriend_

Lots of people see me as 'superficial' or 'boy-crazy,' and for the most part I suppose they are right. I _have_ been both of those things and worse.

I suppose I should have seen it sooner, the fact that my red-haired boyfriend was in love with someone else all along.

Like many other girls I was blinded by the fact that I was actually going out with, talking to and _snogging_ Ronald Weasley; Best-Friend-of-Harry-Potter-the-Boy-Who-Lived.

So call me a mercenary, call me hormonal, call a fame-seeker; I never expected it to turn out this way.

Forgive me for seeming so very selfish and uncaring, but I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late, and I know now that my choices resulted in dangerous situations. Perhaps they were indirect relations, but relations none the less. I was just a sixteen year old girl who wanted a boyfriend, was that too much to ask?

Apparently, because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named doesn't like the idea of us living normal lives anymore.

You know, I never really worried about him until the end of last year, I mean I cannot describe to you in words the despair, and fear that I felt when I heard that Professor Dumbledore was dead.

Professor Dumbledore was like a grandfather figure to us all, and it was our confidence in him that kept us so blissfully ignorant these last few years.

Which I suppose was his and Harry's ultimate goal all along. It is a pity for Professor Dumbledore that he is not here to see Harry right now.

I fail to see what the point is of talking to you anymore, no offense but this topic just makes me more depressed. There are plenty of others who you would be much better off talking to-like Ginerva Weasley or Hermione Granger.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go brush up on my Defense Against Dark Arts to make them proud…

A/N: Lack of update complaints can be forwarded to FFN admin seeing as I have been unable to access this site for nearly a week...


	3. My Heart of Ice

**Chapter 3**

_My Heart of Ice_

Excuse me, who are you, and why do you wish to speak to me?

I mean, honestly, it's not like I'm worth noting; probably won't be around much longer either if Potter and his friends have anything to say about it.

My deed is done and over with, except I didn't do it and I feel like the dirtiest worm on the planet for even having attempted it.

Is this what Pettigrew felt like? Yeah, I know about Black, I mean come on; just how stupid do you think I am? Just look at my last name that ought to tell you everything.

Yeah, I'm just like my father. That bloody bastard who ruined my life. Oops, did I just insult the bane of my existence? Sorry, to be so disrespectful, _father._

You want to know who I hate more than Potter, more than Weasley and even more than Voldemort himself? My father, the man who helped bring me into this wretched world to re-live his ever so 'glorious' life. I'm to be his carbon-copy, Jr., 'Daddy's little man', Death-Eater-In-Training whatever you'd like to call me.

Many people are jealous of me you know, I'm told that red-haired buffoon of Potter's turns green at the sight of me. Of course he's jealous of Potter too, so that's not saying much I suppose.

As much as I may hate to admit it, Potter and I have tons of similarities. For one we are rich, handsome and popular. Done with the superficial though, we are judged by our last names, and thus every major action of ours is likely to make headline news for the _Daily Prophet_. We came from abusive and un-caring households. We have reputations to live up to. We are excellent students and seekers. We are rivals. We are the antithesis of each other. We are the two most powerful wizards in the student body. Thanks to my choices, and his though, we are enemies.

You see everyone wants to be us, but there really isn't anything to envy or desire; sure we're popular and rich but we have gaping holes in our lives.

Potter never goes home for Christmas, I know, because I don't either.

We have 'families,' but they hate us and we'd rather stay at school than face them.

I would give anything, even the clothes off of my back, to be Ronald Weasley. (However, I will deny ever saying that.)

Why? Simple, he is loved and has a family-those are the two most important things in the world. He can also show love in return, but as for me, all emotions except anger are a sign of weakness. I am made of ice.

Now after wasting excessive amounts of your time with my angry ramblings I shall tell you, yes I do regret my 'decisions' of last year; not that I had much of a choice anyway. And I would give my very life not to have made them.

I am on the run though, and must be off. Perhaps you shall see me at the final battle finally killing my father for what he has done to me and my mother and so many countless others.

It is said, "You may leave Hogwarts, but you never leave your house."

For me this is all too true, I am a Slytherin through and through; above all we are cunning. Too cunning even for the Lord Voldemort himself.

Perhaps in brighter days I would have been different, but darkness brings out the best and worst in everyone.

Finis.


	4. Sidekick

**Chapter 4**

_Sidekick_

I knew it was coming, I really did.

I just didn't expect it this way.

Or at this time.

Was I really that blind?

Apparently. I never was known for my intelligence that was her job. The only ones who really knew what was going on the entire year are currently staring blankly out the window next door, or in a white tomb.

This stupid prophecy, and those blasted horcuxes, really enough to ruin any ordinary bloke's day.

It simply drowned Harry's though. I can see it in his eyes; he's not really with us anymore. Slowly drifting away.

In fact come to think of it, he hasn't been 'normal' since fourth year. Fifth year he was angry at everything and last year he was paranoid according to me and nearly everyone else. Was he ever really there?

Did I fool myself into thinking Harry and I were on the same level? Perhaps we never really were, because he's always been better than me in everything. _Everything._

So, I beat him in having a **real** girlfriend, but not by much. I'm not really proud of that period of time either; it was just an endless songfest between me and Lavender. Not that it wasn't nice at the time, but now it seems pointless.

I should have realized he was having problems, he was in trouble. Then perhaps he would never have been so weak and alone at the end with only Dumbledore believing him. And I call myself his _best_ friend. Heck, Hermione's been a better friend than me and seeing how she's always got her nose in a book that's saying a lot.

What about the infamous rumor-mill though? Am I really destined for someone?

I doubt it. I'm not denying I have had a pretty long crush on someone (who will remain nameless despite your protests), but I'm not stupid enough to think she'll like me when she so clearly does not.

My job is that of a friend and sidekick, and no matter how much I may hate it I'm going to do it. I'm going to swallow my pride and become the friend I've always claimed I was. I'll stand in the sidelines protecting his back while he saves the world. He'll take the glory, and I'll probably be dead.

And after looking at how I behaved this last year I probably deserve no less.

If he can give up so much for so many who will not even comprehend the depths of what he did, the least I can do is be selfless and support him.

He has his destiny and I have mine, and it's time to meet them like the Gryffindors we truly are…

**A/N**: Sorry for lack of updates!


	5. From a Portrait's View

**Chapter 5**

_From a Portrait's View_

Do forgive me, I'm not quite used to being dead yet, things might get a bit queer. Here, would you like a lemon drop?

You must want to know what I think of some people and if I really knew what was going on. Was I losing my touch?

So I shall be as frank with you as I can, seeing as I have no reason now why I shouldn't be. As for the man who killed me, I knew what he was doing, and why he did it. I even agreed, there was no choice in his case. In the end I was in so much pain that I even pleaded with him to do it. I bear him no malice, except that he could have been a little nicer to poor Harry in his day. I even give the best of wishes in his continued flight and fight against Voldemort.

As for the man who tried to kill me, he too was presented with a difficult situation which suffered little if any choice. I bear him no malice either, if only for the fact that I know he regrets what he did and will do everything in his power to undo his father and Voldemort's plans as a result.

I had hoped that such a path wouldn't be necessary for him, that he might find a way around it; but one cannot help the family into which one is born.

At one point I had even hoped he and Harry might have formed a pseudo-friendship, but realized early into the game that simply wasn't possible, nor will it ever be. At most they will be nervous allies; there is just too much bad blood between them.

You know, things are so very small in this room now that I'm looking through this frame. (I'm glad to see Minerva has left it virtually untouched.) Much like the chess pieces on Mr. Weasley's chess board.

That was Voldemort's mistake you know, treating his followers like chess pieces.

Harry isn't like that. He cares about his friends and mentors too I'm glad to say.

So much that he, like his ancestor Godric, they would rather go into battle alone than risk the lives of their friends.

So many similarities between him and Harry you know. Rather like young Mr. Malfoy and Salazaar. Godric married Rowena, but when it came time for battle with Salazaar he would not let her or Helga into the battle because he feared for their lives.

Ahh…we come to Helga Hufflepuff, unfortunate wife of Slytherin. When he chose to break off and fight Godric over muggle-borns her heart broke. But she chose to leave him; and even offered to fight him.

Salazaar was devastated and jealous to the enth degree, which is why he chose to fight Godric to the death.

They both died, leaving their utterly devastated widows.

It is up to young Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger and Miss Weasley to re-write these mistakes.

Will they? I cannot say, but I do fear that at least one of them if not all will die before the end of this war…

A/N: So sorry for lack of updates...there is no excuse I hang my head in shame.


	6. Abuser

**Chapter 6**

_Abuser_

Of all the people at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry I would be the last person anyone would ever accuse of manipulating others, abusing them and indirectly causing death to untold millions.

Okay so the last part hasn't happened yet, but its sure going to unless Harry and the trio can salvage what a mess I've made of things.

Who am I kidding? I know that the only one who can fix this mess so they can move on is me. The question of the day is, do I want to?

No.

In fact, I distinctly remember one day where I was called to the office of that lemon-drop-eating-loon. Can you guess what he told me?

He told me I was supposed to be the re-incarnation of Helga Hufflepuff.

I thought he'd finally lost his marbles, I mean come on, I'm not even in her house!

He told me I was supposed to help fix the mistakes of the past by making friends with Malfoy. Draco Malfoy that is, you know the one who precious daddy gave me that horrible diary my first year?

I told him he was a loon, and under no circumstances would I make friends with Malfoy, let alone marry him to fix past mistakes that didn't even involve me. He shook his slowly a look of profound sadness emanating from his royal blue eyes.

I took a few steps back astounded by him, even if he was a loon he was still a really powerful wizard. "I know what you've been doing young lady." He said as he opened a book and flipped through its pages clearly looking for something.

My face paled significantly. How could he have known? Not even Hermione knew, however that might have been because she was involved. Why was I even asking myself this? It was obvious, Dumbledore knew _everything_.

"And yet you are not doing anything about it?" I respond puzzled.

"No I am not, and this is why." He replied still flipping. "I believe that there is a part of you somewhere that knows what you're doing is wrong. Ensnaring fellow students with love potions was made illegal by the Ministry twenty years ago after a suicide resulted. You would be sent to Azkaban if I turned you in. Love potions are considered a lighter form of the _imperius_ curse, as it makes others do what you want."

"Harry _loves_ me though, and Hermione just needed a little push to see what a nice guy my brother is!" I protest, but half of me wanted to gag at the latter half of my sentence.

You see I hate Hermione and her close relationship to Harry, so I did the worst thing I could to her, made her fall in love with my brother leaving the path open for me to get Harry.

"Mr. Potter does not love you, and Miss Granger does not love Mr. Weasley. Harry and Hermione are the reincarnated heirs of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, they are meant to be together. I must ask you to stop being so selfish young lady and then try to make friends with young Malfoy in return for me not turning you in."

"THAT'S BLACKMAIL!!" I screeched.

His piercing blue eyes looked up at me and I was silenced with fear of what he might do to me.

"You must understand that young Mr. Potter's welfare is to me of the utmost importance, and I will not hesitate to remove any obstacles in his path. Do not cross me young lady, you shall regret it."

Silence descended the room for awhile before he spoke again, "You are putting the welfare of the entire world in the balance because of your selfish interests. Do you understand thousands of innocents _can_ and _will_ be slaughtered if you do not stop distracting Mr. Potter from his task?" His eyes seemed to pierce my very soul. I nodded reluctantly.

"Good." He replied, "Now do as I have said." I stood up and walked out.

That was the last time I ever saw him alive…

You see, once out of Dumbledore's presence I felt no need to discontinue my devious tasks, as he seemed too distracted to care.

He was dead within the week.

It was my fault; his blood is on my soul. I am a murderess, which puts me on a worse footing than Malfoy who couldn't do it.

After that my guilt trip kicked in and I stopped giving Harry and Hermione the potion, they went back to normal and Harry broke up with me.

Not that I wasn't expecting it, but it still hurt. Then I realized how much happier he seemed to be apart from it. Or at least as happy as he could be during such a time.

I never had the guts to tell him; perhaps I never will I am so ashamed.

However, I will attempt to put to rights what I've done wrong and tonight I'm leaving in search of a certain blond-haired Slytherin and his professor and help them any way I can.

Tonight I become Hufflepuff and will remain so till I die. I will need all my loyalty and determination to erase my mistakes so that Harry and Hermione can win…

So Harry and Hermione can have the life I would have denied them…

A/N: combo of family illness and first yr of military school have made FFN updates a low priority


	7. A Wise Fool

Chapter 7

A Wise Fool

Many people will tell you I am very smart, intelligent and wise-perhaps a few will even say that I am beautiful-but that's beside the point.

The point is that no matter how intelligent anyone is, they simply do not and _cannot_ know it all. This is precisely what happened to me during the sixth year I attended Hogwarts.

I was so absorbed in my studies and my own selfish desires that I completely forgot what I was there for…more importantly _who_ I was there for.

He drifted away faster than I could blink any eye. It's amazing what a year's worth of nagging and disbelief can do to best friends.

To tell you the honest truth I'm not entirely sure that we will ever repair our relationship. That scares me, and I mean truly _SCARES_ me.

He's my everything; I breathe, think and live him. It truly is amazing how obsessed a girl can become over the man she loves. In a way it frightens me that I'm becoming a stalker like Ginny Weasley.

Speaking of her, that is how much of this mess started, and even though she was the means for the trio's destruction I should have been wise enough to see what was going on.

How could I expect Harry or Ron to see it? They aren't girls and would never know exactly how much Ginny was _still_ pining over Harry. Harry honest to goodness thought she was over him, and Ron…well we all know he has the emotional range of a teaspoon, thus concluding he can only understand that much as well.

So my question to you is, _if _Ginerva Molly Weasley was truly over Harry the way she claimed and swore hundreds of times over, why would she so suddenly dump her boyfriend for Harry? Didn't she know that would start all those rumors up again, only much worse?

My answer to this is Ginerva Molly Weasley never did get over Harry. Who am I kidding though? Nearly every girl in the school has a crush on Harry. I suppose that's to be expected.

What is not excusable is the way she went about getting Harry for herself. This is where I become the wise fool. I am incredibly book smart, and in fact Slughorn praised my abilities in potions-especially in identifying them-I really should have known better.

But I didn't you see I never thought ill of any Weasley except Percy after all the awful things he did to his family. Now I have reason to think much ill of yet another Weasley, and this one I thought to be a friend.

In short as I am sure you have already guessed Ginny used a love potion on Harry, which explains his sudden and puzzling obsession with her. To prevent me from noticing the change in Harry's behavior she gave me some too, but I was to fall for Ron.

Honestly!!!! How much more cruel can she be?! She _knew_ how much I've liked Harry, and she knew I've liked him since before the troll incident (that seriously helped my infatuation too). She knows how many other girls in the school liked him too, but none of us…_not one_…used a love potion on him.

Love potions are very much like the _imperius_ curse if you think about it, they control the victim's willpower to make their own decisions about whom they like and do not like and force them to do your will. This, and the fact that a love potion incident resulted in a suicide a few years back made the Ministry ban these from use at Hogwarts on pain of imprisonment in Azkaban.

I guess Ginny doesn't care about consequences.

What I wonder about though, is why did she stop using the potion? It's rather obvious that she did because Harry broke up with her and I'm no longer throwing birds at Ron.

I suppose we shall never know, but I can tell you one thing I'm never letting her within fifty feet of Harry again.

You see she not only ensnared Harry's will, made me look extremely stupid and jealous but she also is indirectly the cause of Dumbledore's death.

I don't think I can forgive anyone these crimes, let alone someone who was supposed to be a friend.

You see, she distracted Harry during a critical time in his life, thus distracting Dumbledore so that he could not see what Malfoy was doing the entire school year.

An ingenious plan on Voldemort's part don't you think? Distract Dumbledore through his only weakness-Harry-who was distracted by Ginny and thus bring down one of the greatest wizards of all time.

I am ashamed to say I even knew her.

So what do I plan to do now? I plan to study more than ever, for my life and the lives of those I care about depend on it. When the time comes I plan to stand beside Ron and help Harry fight his final fight.

Then I plan to run over to Harry and congratulate him-and tell him…just what he means to me.


	8. The Idiot Who Lived

Chapter 8

The-Idiot-Who-Lived

I should be dead right now.

I really should be you know.

And I hate myself because I can still see my reflection when I look in the mirror. I hate me because I'm still here when my parents, Cedric, Sirius and Dumbledore all have green grass growing over them.

The tears won't go away these days, please excuse me, I don't normally cry.

So why am I an idiot you ask?

I'm an idiot because I never concentrated on the task at hand; I got sidetracked by a red-haired witch.

Yeah?! You think I don't know what she did to me and the rest of my friends this last year?

Oh, you don't know do you?

Let me explain, that jealous little bint couldn't get me the way a normal girl like Hermione does, so she used a goddamned love potion.

Doesn't she know those things are illegal?

Apparently not.

Either that or she didn't give a damn. Personally I don't know which is worse, a stupid girlfriend or a criminally minded one.

She denied me the right of my own choice, and she also distracted me from keeping an eye on Malfoy and helping Dumbledore.

Makes me wonder if she's in league with Voldemort or something…

I'm really serious about that too…

Anyways, enough of my angry rants.

I swear by my parents' graves that I will not rest until I find those responsible for killing and hurting those I care about. (That includes Ginny by the way.)

Then once they're properly taken care of, I'm going to kill Tom once and for all. He's going to die for what he's done. Nobody's going to touch anybody else I care about without feeling my full vengeance.

You've pushed me too far Tom, and know you're going to find out what happens when you wake the sleeping lion…


End file.
